One Night Stanzas

So yep — terrifyingly, I have managed to procrastinate my way to 100 whole posts of weird and wonderful blog links, Youtube videos and other internet flotsam over the course of my three-and-a-half years at the helm of One Night Stanzas. In recognition of this epic event, I decided to trawl through all 100 previous procrastination station posts, and bring you my pick of the best lovely links so far. Let the wwilfing commence!

I never did buy the waterproof notebook, but now I’ve remembered about it I sure am coveting it again!

“Few who believe in the potential of the Web deny the value of books. But they argue that it is unrealistic to expect all children to read “To Kill a Mockingbird” or “Pride and Prejudice” for fun. And those who prefer staring at a television or mashing buttons on a game console, they say, can still benefit from reading on the Internet. In fact, some literacy experts say that online reading skills will help children fare better when they begin looking for digital-age jobs.”

What effect does the Internet have on literacy rates? Will the web kill reading?

All-time favourite words from around the world.

Want a web/phone app that FORCES you to write? You got it!

“Although we all have stories to tell very few of us have a book worth writing in us. I am with John Milton when he argues in Areopagitica that “a good book is the precious life-blood of a master-spirit, embalmed and treasured up on purpose to a life beyond life”. Very few of us are great poets.”

The old adage, “everyone has a book in them?” Not true.

A hilarious list of “ways to be cool.”

“Well, I like poetry that is amusing, that maybe makes me chuckle a little. I’d rather read something reassuring and light than something complicated or gloomy. Is that bad? Does that mean I am a jerk?”

Smart answers to some of the common, and really stupid, questions people ask about poetry.

Want to look up that poem you heard in a movie? Here’s your resource.

Not writing-related (except perhaps for the fact that the blogger misspelled “hilarious” in the post title!), but I greatly enjoyed revisiting these funny/creepy US church billboards.

A great series of interviews with poetry editors.

Altered books is a huge and beautiful vispo and book art resource. So is Fuck Yeah Book Arts!

I have a tattoo of one of these babies now, so it was cool to learn a little more about the ampersand.

“The cash registers were idle much of the time, but the [book]store was full, seemingly peopled by freeloaders sitting in chairs with stacks of books piled at their feet. What was appearent was that very few of those books would be purchased and the books in turn would be dog eared, bent , battered and otherwise made less than pristine. The staff, in turn, seemed as though they could give a flat fuck about the state of the store; sections were out of order. Vain as I am, I wanted to yell at someone.”

CHEAPSKATES AND DEADBEATS KILL BOOKSTORES! — & see some of the world’s coolest bookstores, in pictures.

Colour Me Katie has some sweet, simple rules for Living A Creative Life… also in pictures!

How could I possibly exclude Gala from an epic link-love round up? One of my all-time favourites of hers was Very Definitely Not Dinner and a Movie.

Holy freaky book art, Batman!

“Certainly you may buck the conventions of the query letter if your work is too amazing/revolutionary/brilliant to be summarized. Why don’t you also try applying for jobs without a résumé, using only your psychic powers. Let us know how that works out for you.”

The ultimate, and I mean THE ULTIMATE take on submission guidelines, by the one and only Rejectionist.

I’m really bad for auto-apologising. I clearly need to re-read this article, on stuff you should never apologise for, and why.

I think I’m in love: a Flickr group devoted to the coolest customised Moleskines on the planet. Hipstertalent!

Ever wondered how a publisher goes about choosing the perfect covers for their about-to-be-published books?

DIY Pirateship Armada: PEOPLE ACTUALLY LIVE HERE. (I am jealous of them.)

“Inside my sheltering head: the sound of rustling green. Husband,
you are the riddle beneath which I dream blossoms and birds, but
when I wake, icicles hang from the eaves, the size of a man and twice as lethal.”

Here’s my favourite poet, being awesome.

Want a story on your shirt? A limited edition story, no less? Head to I Love Boxie.

HOT GUYS READING BOOKS. Enough said.

“We’re all practitioners of an art that doesn’t generally interest or impress the vast majority of people, and most of us will struggle to be heard, read, enjoyed and make a living out of our art. It is therefore quite darkly hilarious that many poets do not read other poets work, and nor do many performance poets attend performance poetry events.”

Jenny Lindsay is fabzilliant in this guest post at LumpInTheThroat, about the “divide” between page and stage.

What happens when bad men are also great writers.

Neil Gaiman’s assistant tells you the 10 Things you should never send to your favourite writer (no matter how obsessively you love them).

Think you can’t fight crime? Try making your damn bed!

How to be the most annoying author ever… and why dating a writer really isn’t all that cool.

“Someone wants to kiss you, to hold you, to make tea for you. Someone is willing to lend you money, wants to know what your favourite food is, and treat you to a movie. Someone in your orbit has something immensely valuable to give you — for free.”

I’m not normally into all this self-help type stuff, but the Manifesto of Encouragement is pretty darned encouraging!

You’ve got to love Hark! A Vagrant!. It’s like, the law.

“You think I’m stupid. You think I’m immature. You think I’m a malformed, pathetic excuse for a font. Well think again, nerdhole, because I’m Comic Sans, and I’m the best thing to happen to typography since Johannes fucking Gutenberg.”

Comic Sans speaks out at McSweeneys

A really interesting blog about the difficulty of being a self-promoting artist.

Hey, remember Jacqueline Howett and her comment rage?!

Writing a female character? Use this flowchart!

“Some blind date has persuaded you to go to a poetry slam. On the stage you see people shouting horrifying personal and global traumas with lines like “And I wonder / if George Bush was a woman / would he still let his Dick / do most of his thinking?” A valid question, but it is not the type of ambience that leads to a second date.”

Why everyone hates poetry.

My favourite webcomic strip of all time, I think.

Photos of female writers looking awesome… in spite of these disturbing publishing trends.

Typewriter p0rn!

“”Oh, yes. That. Well, the sperm comes out of the man’s penis and it goes into the woman’s vagina. This happens when the two do what’s called, ‘have sex’. And that’s where the egg – there’s usually only one in the woman’s pond at a time – gets fertilised.” Only after the fact did I realise that I had said the words penis and vagina and sex in a strained, sotto voce tone. This was also something my own mother would have done.”
When The Birds and The Bees Talk gets out of control…

Photos of great writers at their typewriters!

Who doesn’t want to see great writers go head to head in a war of words?

“A student said to me yesterday, “I didn’t know professors could have long hair.” I said, “They can. If you do something well, people won’t bother you. That’s true in all professions. If you are the one guy who can fix the computers, you can keep a boa constrictor in your office. No one will say a thing.” His eyes flashed. Possibly he “went over to the dark side”… or something. I felt happy for 11 seconds.”
I still think about this article a lot: on teaching creative writing.

So… why do we all want to be ‘well read’ anyway?

Writing an application for an MFA? Some crucial dos and don’ts.

“If a customer tells me she’s looking for a book by a man and there’s a girl in it but she can’t remember the author or the title, I give her Lolita. If she’s looking for “that popular book about the animals”: Animal Farm. “That controversial book my book club is reading”: The Autobiography of Malcolm X. “The book with a red cover and the word ‘the’ in the title”: The Joy of Sex. I’m a bookseller, not a magician. My dark-framed glasses and skinny jeans possess only so much magic.
If you read nothing else from this post, read Bookseller I Would Like To F***.

So funny. So cringe-y. So true. The Ultimate Celebrity Interview.

25 Things Writers Should Stop Doing Right Fucking Now.

I loved this so much at the time and rediscovering it was a joy! Serious patience and craftsmanship right here:

Basically the most bad-ass bloke ever right here:

My favourite Lady Gaga song. For reals.

My little sister is megatalented.

I SO HEART GEORGE WATSKY.

My favourite short film of all time. (+ an amazing soundtrack!)

Wizard Smoke from Salazar on Vimeo.

Watch. Be amused.

Edinburgh’s hippest cyclist.

Sweet song, and the cutest music video ever.

It’s terrible, but you kind of have to love it.

What he said.

“I’m going to write smart things about Death in Literature.”

Shakespeare vs Dr Seuss (OMG Watsky <3)

Phew! Here’s to the next 100. Have a great weekend!

*

One Night Stanzas loves mail. Say hello via claire@onenightstanzas.com. NB: I am physically unable to reply to non-urgent stuff unless I have a free afternoon and a cup of tea in my hand. Please be patient!

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Stuff I love this week.

Lovely Boyfriend getting old
Last weekend, Lovely Boyfriend turned 27 whole years old, which gave me an excellent excuse to turn the whole weekend into one long parade of cool stuff. I spent my Friday off building a birthday tent in the living room, for example: LB and I have a long-running joke/tradition of tent-building indoors after I scoffed at the idea of winter camping and flatly stated that the only way he’d ever get me to sleep in a tent between the months of November and April would be to build said tent inside my flat. This tent was built in the middle of the living room and was festooned with balloons, bunting and fairy lights and filled with presents. It was an excellent venue for cake-eating and movie watching, and I was pretty sad to finally take it down on Tuesday morning. I was also brave enough to cook LB, an accomplished chef, a fancy dinner on Friday night, and miraculously I managed even the choux pastry without a hitch!
The rest of the weekend was spent taking in some heavy-duty bookshopping; the newly-revamped National Portrait Gallery; cupcakes from Bibi’s; a screening of the fantastic “Apart Together“, followed by a somewhat awkward audience discussion!; bento boxes and veggie sushi at Tang’s; Sunday brunch at the nom-tastic veggie heaven that is David Bann’s (pictured); a mega West Wing marathon (we’re well into series four and I’m slowly changing my mind about Amy Gardner!); and pints and craic at the Brew Dog Bar. What presents did I buy him? Among them were a tea-and-chocolate hamper from the world famous Betty’s, the super fabulous Middle Eastern veggie cookbook Veggiestan, Four Tales by Philip Pullman and a signed copy of Alasdair Gray’s Collected Verse. I know, I know — he’s a lucky boy.

Gifts from the Universe.
After the ups and downs of 2011, I was in need of a boost at the start of the new year — some kind of omen to suggest that maybe in 2012 things were going to get a bit better. And holy cow, did January knock my socks off in terms of positive goings-on! At the start of the new year, my poem Male Privilege won the Mookychick 2011 FemFlash contest, which handed me a few very-handy-indeed post-Christmas quids, as well as a subscription to the frickin’ excellent BUST Magazine. I was approched from all sides to read my work at all manner of cool literary later-this-year events, including March’s Literary Death Match Edinburgh and Trashed Organ’s forthcoming Belonging Fest. After a handy nudge from a super-cool Edinburgh feminist and live literature promoter (you know who you are), I started proper plans for a mega-exciting poetry event to celebrate International Women’s Day (more info soon). Towards the end of the month received a very lovely acceptance email from Popshot, which is pretty much my all-time favourite literary journal (even more so now!), to say one of the poems I sent them had been picked from over 3,000 submissions to grace the pages of their “Power” issue, out in April (squee!). Finally, just as January was drawing to a close, I received some hyper-exciting but still-top-secret writing-related news that just dropped a perfect, shiny cherry on the top of the whole Excellent January sundae (I’ll tell all soon, promise!). I’m also ahead of schedule with my PhD thesis and, for now, my supervisor seems pretty happy with me. Thanks, January! February: bring it on!

Honourable mentions:
Vaclav & Lena by Haley Tanner — such a sweet, sad, happy, wonderful, original first novel. Read it, everyone. // Book-buying sprees with Lovely Boyfriend — so much new poetry to consume! // Talking with baby-boomers about how their generation made the best pop music ever // Getting my teeth into this semester’s new classes // TED Talks — the greatest classroom resource of all time, bar none // Twitfolk, and their hilarious, aggravating, oh-so-useful fabulousness // Oulipo — look out, poetry, this is about to be My New Thing // Lie-ins, early nights, naps, and all manner of excellent natural sleep! // Croissants // This song.

What are you loving this week?

One Night Stanzas loves mail. Say hello via claire@onenightstanzas.com. NB: I am physically unable to reply to non-urgent stuff unless I have a free afternoon and a cup of tea in my hand. Please be patient!

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As some of you may know, I have just gone into my third year of study for a PhD in Creative Writing. As well as putting up with being told numerous times that Creative Writing can’t be taught, much less turned into a legitimate subject for postgraduate study (a whole other story), this means I have to do a lot of writing. And a lot of reading. And some more writing. By the end of my studies I must produce 70 pages of poems, and an academic thesis, which I have chosen to write on contemporary female poets (primarily Scottish contemporary female poets) + history, tradition, identity (personal, social, political, national, international) + Margaret Atwood. All that stuff = a lot of writing.

However, it was only a few weeks ago that Lovely Boyfriend and I agreed that it might be a good idea for me to have “a writing room.” And frankly, I’m already finding the whole thing a bit weird.

Well quite. How pretentious and hipster-y of you,
says the cynical voice in my head. A bit like the eighteen typewriters and piles of records and CDs I own, a writing room feels like a horribly privileged, self-indulgent and, let’s face it, rather hipster-y thing to have. Have I really come so far in five years? I used to live with The Artist Formerly Known As The Boy in a tiny one-room bedsit: a flat so small that if one of you threw something you were pretty much guaranteed to hit the other person (we tested this theory sometimes when there was nothing on TV). I barely had a cubic foot of space to call my own, let alone an entire room (although, I did have a kick-ass roof garden), and yet I managed to get my writing done just fine. These days I have a great big living room with a huge bay window complete with panoramic view. Why can’t I just sit there and write?

But then… what about Virginia Woolf?
She did, after all, pen the immortal line, “A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction.” OK, so I’m not writing fiction, but bear with me for a second. Good old VW claimed that the lack of women’s writing in the canon was down to the fact that women were never given access to the time, space or means to write in the same way that men were. If a man decided he wanted to become a poet, he was admirably committing his life to serving the Muse. If a woman decided she wanted to become a poet, she got a straitjacket. For the big bad Woolf, a room of one’s own in which to write was something women ought to demand. I daresay if she caught me feeling sheepish about my “writing room,” she’d give me a damn good dressing-down.

So wait… having a writing room is a radical gesture of literary sisterhood?
No, not really. I think Virginia Woolf’s ideas about building designated women-only spaces as a way to facilitate female creativity are still pertinent, but if I’m honest, I don’t think those ideas really apply to privileged college grads converting their lofts and filling them with cushions and “inspiration boards”. We should still be demanding that creative women have rooms of their own, but women who are homeless, impoverished, deprived of education or otherwise unfairly disadvantaged are more the kind of people who should be first in line for these kinds of spaces. If anything, I have a room of my own and then some: I should be offering up some of the space I’m hoarding to women for whom the idea of “a room of one’s own” is nothing more than an indulgent daydream.

Oh come on… like anyone would want that space anyway!
Well, true. It’s pretentious of me to refer to it as a “writing room” anyway, as actually, it’s just the spare bedroom and it’s not exactly inspiring. It’s a handy place to keep all my piles and piles of academic books, but it’s also kind of handy for hanging laundry and storing boxes and clean bedding. “Writing room” is a pretty glamorous term for a glorified boxroom with a lot of damp socks hanging in it. We’re back to the pretentious thing all over again.

Er yeah… not to mention the fact that it’s “your” writing room.
This bothers me too. Lovely Boyfriend pays exactly half of the rent on our flat, but he doesn’t get a space of his own. And what’s he supposed to do when I shut myself in the spare room with a big stack of books and a warning not to disturb/distract me? I guess he probably welcomes the opportunity to play Assassin’s Creed. But when The Artist Formerly Known As The Boy turned our then-boxroom into a “boy room”, into which he would retreat in order to spend hours focussing on his F1 sim, I got kinda resentful. What makes my “writing room” any different?

So why have a writing room at all then, you weirdo?
Well… it’s handy to have all my academic books in one place, within reach, and sitting at a desk rather than on a comfy chair makes me feel more productive and focussed. Our wi-fi connection is patchy in the spare room, which means that trying to distract myself with Twitter is very annoying rather than very appealing. And I can control how light/dark or quiet the room is: Lovely Boyfriend doesn’t have to turn off the TV just because I’m working, and I can seek out poetry readings on Youtube without bothering him. Also, I’m a terrible procrastinator and would sometimes rather clean my skirting boards than devote a full day to writing my thesis. So by giving myself a space to go into and write, I’m trying to make it feel like “going to work” — like it’s something I have to do whether I like it or not.

I’m still not 100% sold on the idea. What do you guys think? Do any of you have specific spaces set aside to write in? How do you feel about that? What are the pros and cons? I want to hear your thoughts — get thee to the comments box!

One Night Stanzas loves mail. Say hello via claire@onenightstanzas.com. NB: I am physically unable to reply to non-urgent stuff unless I have a free afternoon and a cup of tea in my hand. Please be patient!

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Lovely links of lovely loveliness.

I’ve got really, really into Terrible Minds after discovering it only recently. I love it because the posts are often spit-flecked with anger, which is how I like my writing advice! Check this out:

“I hate to bludgeon you about the head and neck with a hammer forged in the volcanic fires of Mount Obvious, but the only way you can finish something is by not stopping. That story isn’t going to unfuck itself.”

That’s from 25 Things Writers Should Stop Doing Right Fucking Now (thanks to the supertalented Heather for the link) — I also loved 25 Things Writers Should Know About Agents.

“At the dinner party we didn’t talk about books, I tried not to talk at all. People talked about AA meetings they had gone to–with friends, not for themselves, we all drank a lot at that dinner party. I forget what else we talked about. Places you live in New York. Real estate, this is a thing everyone talks about here, it’s sort of charming. Where is your apartment and how big is it and how much is your rent and how awful is your landlady, oh my god, she goes through your trash, are you serious. I looked at all the books on the shelves, which is another thing I do. This year, like every year, I resolved to be less hateful, and this year, like every year, I am failing.”

The Rejectionist wrote this long, melancholy piece about being an arts blogger and attending parties with lots of artists. I think everyone feels this way sometimes. I loved it.

“I know that a lot of writers would kill to be called a squashed bug or a despicable pig, if only because it beats not being called anything at all. But… many readers seem to be approaching their commenting privileges like teenagers with newly minted driver’s licenses. Belted in by anonymity and often distracted by the equally reckless ravings of their peers, they take potshots, spread untruths, and, at their worst, spew racism and bigotry that would put a professional writer out of business in a nanosecond.”

A long article, but a good one: Meghan Daum on “haterade” below-the-line.

“I do a lot. I eat grapefruit, for example. I begin to read books and then put them down when I’m 90% through and then never pick them back up, for some reason. I read emails, too, or I skim emails, especially the ones that come from my grandfather. My grandfather checks his email like, once a month and then goes on a forwarding spree, and before I know it my inbox is full of CAPS LOCK subject lines and I’m reading a checklist to determine whether or not I grew up in Brooklyn in the 1950s. (Spoiler alert: I didn’t).”

This is super cool. It’s an alternative response to the question, “What Do You Do?”, which all writers rightly dread.

““I just gave a homeless man outside a 20 pound note, and now I’m worrying he’d have rather had it in two tens,” she says, huge eyes widening in a luminously fresh face, as she puts down her vintage handbag and leather-bound copy of Anna Karenina (“I’m obsessed with Tolstoy, it’s a weakness, I need to widen my contemporary reading”) in a flurry of activity that lights up the room and makes all heads turn. “Oh, no. I hope he’s OK,” she says, fretting extravagantly over this act of incredibly charming philanthropic spontaneity I’m choosing to include here for colour but that she obviously had no idea could end up in the article.”

A damning indictment of contemporary “glossy” journalism and celebrity culture. If you read nothing else from this post, read The Ultimate Celebrity Interview.

“A strong woman is strong
in words, in action, in connection, in feeling;
she is not strong as a stone but as a wolf
suckling her young. Strength is not in her, but she
enacts it as the wind fills a sail.”

The breathtaking Marge Piercy.

“My job is not to judge, but to teach, and I can’t teach if the students in my class are distracted or uncomfortable. My job is also about preparing students to be a part of our society, ready to work and play with all kinds of people. I found that teaching about gender stereotypes is another social justice issue that needs to be addressed, like racism or immigrant rights, or protecting the environment.”

This teacher kicks all kinds of ass. Inspiring!

If you’ve been reading ONS for any amount of time you’ll already know I am fascinated by urban decay. Therefore, this photo project about a disappearing element of life in New York City was obviously a must-read for me!

Anyone with a brain knows the Oscars are a huge steaming bag of hetero- and white-normative stereotype-reinforcing consumer-porn. Therefore, I quite liked this.

Thanks to Chris for reminding me of the awesomeness of this series of videos:

SO CUTE IT WILL MAKE YOU WEEP.

Aaand finally, this was playing in Scotmid yesterday and I ever-so-nearly broke into a frenzied 90s-tastic wiggle-dance in the bread aisle. This is the anthem of my tweenage years! Crank it up!

Have a great weekend!

One Night Stanzas loves mail. Say hello via claire@onenightstanzas.com. NB: I am physically unable to reply to non-urgent stuff unless I have a free afternoon and a cup of tea in my hand. Please be patient!

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Because I’m tired of having to get cranky at people on Twitter, here are some Things You Should Never Say when I am around. Or preferably, at all. Good luck!

“Don’t be so hyper sensitive, I was just joking!” (or indeed, any of this or this.)

“But creative writing can’t be taught.”

“I hate [insert minority group here] because [insert reason here].”

“It’s not poetry if it doesn’t rhyme.”

“…but animals are so tasty!”

“The government is right to cut arts funding — we don’t need artists!”

“You look great, have you lost weight?”

“I’m supporting anyone but England.”

“I don’t buy clothes from charity shops because someone might have died in them.”

“Who pays for you to eat?”

What are the things no one should say around YOU? Answers in the comments box!

One Night Stanzas loves mail. Say hello via claire@onenightstanzas.com. NB: I am physically unable to reply to non-urgent stuff unless I have a free afternoon and a cup of tea in my hand. Please be patient!

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^^My lovely work canteen!

So, normally for my not-really-weekly Procrastination Stations, I give you a big list of links I’ve liked over the past week or so. These usually come from the absolutely EPIC list of bookmarks I keep on my little pink netbook at home. However, this week I was looking for inspirational articles (and posts, videos, etc) to discuss with my students and realised that, although a little different to the usual, my bookmarks folder at work is also pretty shit hot. So here’s a slightly different list of links for you, all from my ‘work’ folder… see what you think.

“Don’t talk about how, as a child, you loved to read and write. Everyone says that. For perhaps the first time in your life, you’ll be with your kind of people! I know that it’s important to YOU that your journey started when you were a kid, but it is not as important to me as what happened to you from that point on.”

Making a personal statement for a MFA programme: some excellent DOs and DON’Ts.

“Dinosaurs rule our house.”

Poet Ian McMillan talks to the Guardian for Pieces of Me.

“When I am sitting with a writer friend at dinner and he tells a story about running a porno magazine rental service as a child, I acknowledge that he might use this for a story at a later date and thus, I should not take it for my own work. I could view it as fair game and try to get to it first, but that would just be kind of a dick move.”

What happens when all your friends are writers.

Are YOU a geek when it comes to pie charts and bar graphs?
This site is so for you.

“She has perfect hair, she wears great dresses, and who cares if she has thick ankles? Certainly not her paramour, Kermit, who would sleep on railroad tracks if she asked.”

Miss Piggy: Style Icon

Natural disasters, protests, Steve Jobs and Snowpocalypse: The 45 Most Powerful Photos of 2011
(Trigger warning for police brutality and violent scenes)

“As a conventional dad, hunter, and former Republican, it took me longer to understand that I never had two sons.”

The remarkable story of a young woman who always knew she was inside the wrong body.

Miss Representation Trailer

Miss Representation 8 min. Trailer 8/23/11 from Miss Representation on Vimeo.

Carlsberg stunt: assumption and inclusion

Geoff Trenchard prose-poem: The Long Holidays At Denney’s

How you start a movement

Have a great weekend!

One Night Stanzas loves mail. Say hello via claire@onenightstanzas.com. NB: I am physically unable to reply to non-urgent stuff unless I have a free afternoon and a cup of tea in my hand. Please be patient!

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So folks, as part of my brand new, reclaim-my-life-and-stop-being-a-zombie programme, I have decided to reinstate Things I Love Thursday. Here’s the basic premise in case you’re new, and here’s what I’m loving lately:

The West Wing
Actually, “love” is not a strong enough word to describe my feelings for this show. My long-time readers will know that, in general, I really do not dig TV: I associate it with being too tired to do anything productive, and with self-loathing. I really could live quite happily without a television, even if it did mean never getting to watch the F1. So perhaps unsurprisingly, I have never been the kind of person to get “hooked” on a TV show.
This whole West Wing things is all Lovely Boyfriend’s fault.

Pretty much as soon as we met, he (a massive, massive advocate of TV “as an artform”) started harrassing me about various incredible shows that he couldn’t believe I’d never seen. The more I protested that TV was really not my thing, the more he became determined to find a “gateway” show that would get me addicted to the genre. He knew I’d had a brief fling with The X Files, and so he started with Twin Peaks, which I did really enjoy. But what he didn’t fully grasp was my need for at least one awesome, well-rounded female character — it was only ever Scully, on whom I had a massive girl-crush, who kept me watching The X Files. Twin Peaks may be brilliantly written and dark and weird and fun, but Donna, Norma, Shelley &co are all kind of drippy (I do like Audrey, but she was criminally underused in the show).

However, LB struck gold when he bought me the complete West Wing box set for our one-year anniversary in October. There is so much good stuff about this show: incredibly smart, witty writing, brilliant storylines and plot arcs, and a cast to die for. With every new episode we watch, one or the other of us will spot someone on the Special Guest Star credits and squeal, “ooh, [name of excellent actor] is in this episode! Zie’s so cool!” I’ve also developed the theory that you can tell a lot about someone’s personality by asking them which of the regular characters from The West Wing is their favourite (just as you can by asking them which their favourite Beatles album is. True story).
Personally, I am totally and utterly in love with CJ. I’m really spoilt for choice in terms of strong, well-rounded female characters, which is so refreshing: I also love Donna, Abby and Ainsley Hayes (I can’t stand Amy Gardner’s character and regularly yell at the TV during her episodes, simply because I’d like to think that a woman that shallow, back-biting and frankly dim would never get to be anything senior in any kind of feminist NGO, but hey). There is even regular, sensible talk between characters about prominent women’s issues and gender roles. But to be honest, I’d keep watching just for CJ. She’s strong, feisty, extremely funny, but also flawed and vulnerable. I want to be her.

My students
I’ve been looking back over my old TiLT posts, and I was surprised to see just how often I made mention of the pesky critters in front of whom I am forced to spend my days standing up and saying words. Since I suspended my TiLTing activities over two years ago, I’ve clearly started to take these guys for granted a little bit (in my defence, I reckon it’s understandable considering that well over 50% of them openly admit to having no interest in my subject, but I have to get up at 6am every day to go and teach them regardless). I reckon I need to start cutting the meaner ones some slack, and getting back to seeing each one as an exciting challenge, rather than something to put up with. Here’s an apology to all those of you who’ve received less compassion and understanding from me than I should have given. I promise to be a better teacher from now on. Most of you still passed, so hopefully there’s no hard feelings!

The February mid-term break sees a brand new term roll around. I found out recently that I teach seven lectures a week and have 103 active students on my books. Many of them are heading off into the world in a couple of weeks and I won’t be seeing them again, which does make me a little melancholy. This term I’ve had some great classes and some really lovely students: I was lucky enough to teach Communication in one form or another to two groups of Engineers this year, and they were all fantastic guys. The best classes are the ones where the students are sharp, focussed and want to learn, but who also bring the craic and are willing to have a bit of banter with you. I had an embarrassing first this semester: I’m not a fan of just standing and talking in lectures, but sitting down is awkward when you need to get up and write on the board every so often, so usually I compromise by propping myself up with one hip against a desk. A few weeks ago I was in the middle of saying Something Very Important to my Access to Engineering class when, mid-lean, I realised I had misjudged where my desk was and ended up toppling into the floor, making a not-totally-dignified noise as I went down. In front of certain classes, this would have been The End of All Respect, but the guys were totally cool about it… although obviously they did howl with laughter, as did I. So here’s to my engineers, and all the other cool students who’ve handed me happy moments over the past academic year. Thanks, you guys.

Honourable mentions: Lazy weekend breakfasts // mooching around York // starting a new Moleskine planner // plotting Lovely Boyfriend’s Christmas present for next year already (I’m. so. organised!) // still having tons of Christmas cake left // my netbook (it’s pink and covered in stickers) // the Zombies!!! boardgames // Disney movie marathons with my sister // thai food // getting some sleep after weeks of battling with insomnia

What are you loving this week?

One Night Stanzas loves mail. Say hello via claire@onenightstanzas.com. NB: I am physically unable to reply to non-urgent stuff unless I have a free afternoon and a cup of tea in my hand. Please be patient!

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It’s been ages since this happened, but as you know, I haven’t been keeping up with ONS very well lately. But I can’t let this go by without mention: I got a bloody lovely review from The Great McGuire, over at Cheeky Little Article.

Because I am perhaps the laziest poet in the cosmos, I haven’t really done much to market my pamphlet, The Mermaid and the Sailors, which was unofficially launched at StAnza in March 2011 (my laziness is so all-encompassing that I never even got round to an “official” launch… oops). Somehow, I managed to sell out the first run by August just with a few Facebook status updates and the odd mention on my beloved Twitter. As a result, not many reviews have been forthcoming… in fact, this is only the second (the first is here) I’ve received. (I really don’t mind. The idea of being reviewed is kind of scary.)

But McGuire’s smashing, thoughtful, in-depth review is worth a million shorter, more general responses. I love the fact that he starts out with the etymology of my second name (or rather, the adjective “askew”) rather than just leaping in to analysing the book… I particularly like the fact that by the end of the first paragraph I’ve been somehow promoted to Lady Askew (expect this to stick, folks). And he compares me to Neruda. NERUDA. Do reviews get any better?

However, I’m ultimately grateful to McGuire for this: he has totally “got” what it was I was trying to do… what I’m always trying to do. These days, the poetry scene is such that poems like this are what get praised and published. Now, everyone’s different, and to some people, that’s a great poem — but I just aint the kind of writer who could bring myself to keep a straight face while writing a phrase like “jimmies the diasphora,” let alone while shoving it on a line-break so it draws a ton of attention to itself. I’ve started to realise lately that I write the kind of poems that some people look down their noses at, because they’re poems that are, sometimes, as McGuire so sweetly puts it, “wholesome as a loaf.” But that’s my schtick. To some poets, “wholesome as a loaf” might be an insult. My first response to this review was more, “I want to find McGuire right now and hug him!”

So thanks, dude. I owe you a beer!

(The Mermaid and the Sailors is currently, sadly, sold out. A new print run is coming… once I get my butt in gear and send off new proofs to correct the first run’s inevitable typos. Sorry for the delay! You can read more about the book here, though.)

One Night Stanzas loves mail. Say hello via claire@onenightstanzas.com. NB: I am physically unable to reply to non-urgent stuff unless I have a free afternoon and a cup of tea in my hand. Please be patient!

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I’ve already written about how 2011 was a bit of a tricky year for me, and as you can probably tell from the date on this post, I almost abandoned the idea of doing my now-customary “In [year], I…” run-down. However, this is my fourth year of blogging at ONS, and not only have my year-end lists become a tradition in these parts, they’ve also prompted loads of other people to write their own. In spite of some wobbles during 2011, things did happen last year that deserve to be remembered and celebrated. And I stand by the idea that this kind of cataloguing exercise is useful for all sorts of reasons. You can see previous years’ lists here: 2008, 2009, 2010.

So. In 2011, I…

… saw in the New Year at a massive house party hosted by Lovely Boyfriend, and met pretty much everyone he’s ever known in his entire life at the same time. If you’re nervous about meeting your new partner’s friends, let me advise you: getting it all overwith in one night with lots of alcohol involved is a really good way to go!

… worked as a reader for the James Tait Black Memorial Prize for the third year running.

… had my portrait, and my poem “The sailor”, featured in Chris Park and Thom Laycock’s “Dualism” project, which launched in Forfar in January and is now touring nationwide!

… went to see Daniel Watkins‘ brilliant debut pantomime, Robin The Hood (though I still insist they should have gone with the working title; The Hood, The Bad and The Ugly), and utterly loved it (in spite of the fact that I “got” very few of the inside, Northumberland-locals’ jokes)!

… dressed up as Susan Sto Helit for Lovely Boyfriend’s 26th birthday party, the theme of which was “characters from your childhood.” In her usual “EPIC WIN!” kind of style, my sister went as a Pacman ghost.

… inspired an entire slam! My oft-performed poem, “If You Don’t Want To Be In A Poem” lent its punchline to the Don’t Fuck A Poet slam, organised by Inky Fingers and won by Caitlin Cummings!

… survived the HMIe inspection at my place of work, which threw all of my colleagues into a (totally unnecessary) guddle for about five months. (It all went fine, obv.)

… placed fifth in the Scottish Slam Championship Finals at Aye! Write.

… turned 25, and held a fabulous afternoon tea party at my flat, surrounded myself with friends and ate a LOT of scones.

… worked on my first ever translation project, with the gorgeous Ellen Deckwitz and Alex Bengtsson, for City2Cities‘ “poetry tripletting” project.

… organised my first ever slam, the this collection “friendly” slam, which brought together page and stage poets and gave the poets themselves control over the scoring! Responses came in from all over. Just a few: McGuire // Andy Philip // Russell Jones

… was interviewed by The Observer about typewriters and poetry, and spent one mad March evening climbing trees and power-lifting heavy typewriters as part of my eventually-unused photoshoot with Murdo McLeod!

… had my author photo taken by the fabulous Chris Scott.

… represented Edinburgh at the inaugural City2Cities Festival in Utrecht, the Netherlands. This involved staying in a lush hotel, reading a lot of poems at a lot of gigs, meeting tons of truly awesome poetry-obsessed folk, staying in a lush loft, having a vintage typewriter gifted to me by a very sweet old man, joining in with a massive paper-bag-bursting flash mob (seriously), falling in love with Utrecht, hanging out with the aforementioned gorgeous Ellen and Alex, visiting Amsterdam for the first time, writing lots, and eating a lot of chips. The high point of my year, for sure!

… undertook a massive Muppet movie marathon with Lovely Boyfriend, seeing six consecutive movies in two days as part of Filmhouse’s Muppet Season!

… had my photo taken with Lovely Boyfriend by the lovely and talented Ms Sally Jubb, for her “Mimic” project

… saw, and adored, the Howl movie.

… produced, with Lovely Boyfriend, the chapbook “Starry Rhymes: 85 Years of Allen Ginsberg”, featuring 33 poets‘ responses to the great man’s works. We launched the pamphlet at a great event in the Bristo Hall at Forest Cafe, which Chris Scott very kindly photographed for us!

… judged the Swale Life Poetry Contest.

… passed my PhD second year review without a hitch!

… went on strike for the first time ever.

… dressed as “the sea” (meta!) for the 2011 ECA Underwater-themed Art School Revel. The motley band I attended with included an angler fish, a penguin, Ursula the Sea-Witch and two folk who dressed as “polution”. Needless to say, it was amazing.

… moved from rather-too-well-heeled Comely Bank, back to Tollcross, where I lived when I first moved to Edinburgh eight years ago. I’ve always loved Tollcross and pined for living here again. Hooray!

… marched in the Edinburgh Slutwalk, with Lovely Boyfriend at my side! I also gave my comment on the legitimacy of the event in several pieces for the Scotsman.

… spent July backpacking round the Pacific Northwest with Lovely Boyfriend, via the Greyhound bus network. Visited Vancouver, where we swam in the Pacific at Kitsilano Beach, found foodie heaven at the Granville Island Market, and I got a tattoo from the scarily excellent Hilary Dawson of Electro LadyLux! Stopped off in Victoria BC, where we attended SkaFest 2011, before heading to the tiny, super-rural San Juan Islands (mainly Orcas), where we slept in a forest cabin at the edge of the ocean. Then on to Seattle, then San Francisco, then Lake Tahoe, where we stayed with the lovely Lucy Florence. Finally we ended up in Portland, now one of my all-time favourite cities, where we ate amazing breakfasts and stayed at The Crystal Hotel & Ballroom, where every room is themed around a different classic song!

… taught for a second time at the Scottish Universities International Summer School, where my brilliant creative writing students were Alyss, Phil, Freesia, Tammy, Kate, Martina and Penny. Love you guys!

… sold my books and jewels at the Zorras Small Press & Zine Fair at Forest.

… was asked to judge the BBC Edinburgh Festival Fringe Poetry Slam at The Baby Bubble. Congrats to worthy winner Cat Brogan!

… edited a novel, for my former student, Vic. Buy “Rig Moves” here!

… defended my title at the University of Edinburgh LitSoc “Refresher” Slam 2011.

… won the StAnza / Inky Fingers Risk-a-Verse Slam, where I competed against, among others, Lovely Boyfriend!

… had my article, “A Different Beat: 50 Years of Counter-Culture in Edinburgh”, published by The Edinburgh Review.

… entered an article, “Hapless Straight Ladies: the dangerous semantics of pop feminism”, into the 2011/12 FWSA Essay Prize (still awaiting the result)!

… went on strike again.

… won the Mookychick 2011 Feminist Flash contest with “Male Privilege“!

Places I Read Poetry: Words Per Minute, Glasgow, January < -- video! // the StAnza 2011 preview event < -- photographed by the lovely Chris Scott // StAnza Festival’s “New Poets Showcase”, alongside the almost-too-brilliant Billy Letford // iPoetry, City2Cities Festival, Utrecht // Young Poets’ Society, City2Cities Festival, Utrecht // ACU’s DeadBeatSociety’s Music&Madness Night, April, Utrecht // Scottish Universities International Summerschool, August // Blind Poetics, August // SAVE THE FOREST “Reforestation” gig at 3rd Door, September // UoE LitSoc “Refresher” Slam, September // StAnza / Inky Fingers Risk-a-Verse Slam, St Andrews, October // Blind Poetics, October

Gigs in 2011: Broken Records, Liquid Rooms, January // King Creosote, Caves, February // Iron & Wine, HMV Picturehouse, March // Broken Records, Bristo Hall at Forest, April // Rocking for Heroes, HMV Picturehouse, November

What did YOU do in 2011?

One Night Stanzas loves mail. Say hello via claire@onenightstanzas.com. NB: I am physically unable to reply to non-urgent stuff unless I have a free afternoon and a cup of tea in my hand. Please be patient!

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Hello 2012! There hasn’t been a Procrastination Station in these parts for AGES. Here’s a bumper round-up of my recent reading…

I know it says 31st Dec, but the James Kirkup Memorial Poetry Competition’s deadline has been extended to 31st JANUARY! If you like free entry (yeah!) and want to get your pamphlet published by my smashing publisher, get entering!

Got writer’s block? Try lowering your standards.

“How to read ‘Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone’? Why, very quickly, to begin with, and perhaps also to make an end. Why read it? Presumably, if you cannot be persuaded to read anything better, Rowling will have to do.” — Harold Bloom (and others) brings the snark.

Matt McDonald tells you pretty much all you need to know about writing poetry.

Want to see how much heat you generate when you type? There’s an app for that.

Have you guys ordered your HOT MALE LIBRARIANS calendar for 2012 yet?

“Well-read is not a destination; there is nowhere to get to, and if you assume there is somewhere to get to, you’d have to live a thousand years to even think about getting there, and by the time you got there, there would be a thousand years to catch up on.” … and who wants to be ‘well read’ anyway?

I always, always write longhand, so I emphatically get behind this.

& similarly: in praise of notebooks.

Classic Penguin titles’ bookcovers redesigned as tattoo flash. Throw in a typewriter and that is ALL MY FAVOURITE THINGS AT ONCE.

I know I keep saying this, but I seriously cannot understand how I lived my life for 25 years without knowing of the existence of HTMLGiant. Check out these great — and very frank — responses to the question, “how do I get a wider readership for my work?”

Keira Knightley and her evil quest to appear on ALL THE BOOKS.

“All songs ultimately are about love… with the possible exception of Pinball Wizard.” < -- A lovesong for librarians! If you click on nothing else in this post, click this!

What books do when you’re not looking… (Thanks, Sally!)

& I know everyone in the world has already seen this, but because I’m sure you won’t mind… here it is again. (Thanks, Martyna!)

Have a great weekend, everyone!

One Night Stanzas loves mail. Say hello via claire@onenightstanzas.com. NB: I am physically unable to reply to non-urgent stuff unless I have a free afternoon and a cup of tea in my hand. Please be patient!

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