More hilarious Amazon book reviews
I so much enjoyed reading these ridiculous book reviews of great literary works that I went trawling teh internets for some more (NB: want the really good stuff? Amazon.com — not .co.uk — is the place, sorry America!). And I wasn’t disappointed!
“Musette Wright” on William Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet:
Not that I don’t like Shakespeare’s works, but his tragedies are terrible, especially this one. I can’t understand the language real well, so I have to grab one with the contemporary language so that it’ll be easier to understand. I just can’t understand this love tragedy at all! Here are some things that confuse me:
*How did this feud really begin?
*Why can’t this story end in happily ever after?
*Why does Lady Capulet have to be so stuck up on everybody?
*Why couldn’t Shakespeare have written in a language we could all understand?
*Why does everybody have to jump to conclusions?
I simply can’t understand why people love this play so much. It’s ridiculous! If you want a true love story, try reading “A Midsummer Night’s Dream”. This one absolutely SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“J.LIN” on Vladimir Nabokov’s Lolita:
The language is INVENTIVE, but in the same way that it’s INVENTIVE if I took ten bananas and duct tape and I tape all the bananas together in one big, random bundle. Actually, it is not in that same way. Because my banana-thing is kind of funny. Nobakov’s inventiveness is NOT FUNNY. It is extremely academic and DULL.
“The Sisters of the Italy” on DH Lawrence’s Lady Chatterley’s Lover:
God-fearing people, stay away from this book!!!!
It’s trash for your mind and brings up perverted topics. You shouldn’t read this book. We didn’t. It’s a book of scandal, corruption, seduction, and SIN!!!!
(Thanks to Charlie’s Diary for that lot.)
“A Customer” on Aldous Huxley’s Brave New World:
Words cannot express how unbelievably [sic] horrible this book is. I had to read this for school and it was so rediculously [sic] immature. I do not reccomaend [sic] this to any christian who does not want to put evil discust [sic] before their eyes, nor to any non-christian just because it was so horrid. This book is absolutely sick and obviously Huxley had never read the Bible. Dont [sic] read this book. Its [sic] a waste of time.
“Erik” on Anthony Burgess’ A Clockwork Orange:
After twenty pages I threw this book against the wall. I have never read a more frustrating and disturbing book. All the dialogue is gibberish. In the first twenty pages, Alex and his lackies beat a guy senseless and rob him; they steal a car and trash it, they get into a vicious gang fight; they attack a couple at their home, destroy the husband’s life work (his book “A Clockwork Orange”) beat him and his wife senseless and rape the wife. This really ticked me off. I read this expecting a great story because it’s a “classic”, but I was severly [sic] disappointed. If you want to read the book, save yourself the frustration trying to wade through the garbage and read the last three pages.
“W. Wilson” on Sylvia Plath’s The Bell Jar:
Sylvia Plath was a mentally sick person who was encouraged by one of her psychiatrists to write. I have seen photographs of her and Ted Hughes, and Sylvia is in an appaling state. I can’t even relate what Sylvia is doing in one of the photographs. It’s sad. I hope that she found some comfort in writing, but honestly, was this meant to be published?
It’s not a surprise that many readers find this repulsive. English teachers/professors should not require students to read this; it goes against every basic human tendency to be happy and not to be anti-life. I don’t know how else to put this but the best writers aren’t suicides. Don’t read them. Their opus is one long goodbye note.
“A Customer” on Alice Walker’s The Colour Purple
First of all, i really give this book 0 stars, but that option wasn’t available. I thought this book was the most retarded book I have ever and will ever read. Most of all, the sex scenes could have been edited. The incest, rape, molestation, lesbianism, whoredom etc. were all perverted and disgusting! Also, the story was so choppy and rambling that it was pointless. Yes, I understand Celie was oppressed by Mr.____, but lesbianism is not the answer to her liberation. I think the book was poorly written and not well thought out. I’m sorry, but it takes a sick mind to think up stuff like this. I never would have read it if I had known what I was getting in to.
I’ve a feeling this Amazon review thing may become a regular feature here at ONS, you know… see what gems you can find over there!