Dealing with rejection fallout.
Photo by Bakerella.
OK, so if you’ve read Rejection Therapy, you know a bit about why your work might be or might have been rejected, and how you can stop it from happening in the future. However, as one reader pointed out, while that’s useful, it doesn’t make you feel any better in the immediate aftermath! Getting that rejection letter or email first thing in the morning can ruin your day, regardless of how logically you look at the situation. What can you do to deal with the fallout? Well, here are my suggestions (some more serious than others):
- Read a really bad book. Suddenly feeling like your own writing’s not so hot? Get to a charity shop and find yourself a Jackie Collins, or the like. She got published!
- Visit your idols. Who do you really respect? A famous dead poet? A courageous sportsperson? Your gran? Spend some time with the people you idolise, even if that just means visiting their Wikipedia page. Ask yourself - how would they react to this rejection?
- Write back. Pissed off at the magazine that rejected you? Sit down with a pen and write (longhand, no typing) a long and angry reply, a la Bernard Black. Read it over, out loud if you want to. Then - and this is crucial - destroy it completely, unsent.
- Celebrate perseverence. Do a Google image search for Banksy, or read up on Ellen McArthur. Tell yourself: I will persevere.
- Gather your friends around you. Rant.
- See the big picture. Start a list of things you’ve achieved since birth, and include everything - learning to walk, the stabilisers coming off your first bike, etc. Write till you get sick of it, then ask yourself… in the great scheme of things, how much does this moment really matter?
- Watch this.
- Make something better. Fix a leaky tap, defragment your PC, reorganise your books, paint the ceiling. Make yourself useful. Change a small thing for the better.
- Exercise. Walk. Run. Bike for miles. Kick the crap out of a punchbag in the gym. Dance angrily in your living room.
- Drink tea. Seriously.
- Game. Ever noticed that gamers are often the most laid-back and accepting people ever? Get yourself online or to an arcade. You don’t necessarily have to play shoot ‘em ups. Get behind the wheel of an F1 car or try your hand at a virtual coconut shy. Turn off the ‘annoyed’ part of your brain. Even tetris will do.
- Search your soul. Take one of those daft MySpace-style ‘answer honestly!!!’ quizzes.
- Go to a movie on your own.
- Hide under a duvet, and read, fume, doze, write, forgive.
- Get your house in order. Do your laundry, clean the bathroom, tidy your desk, hoover. Crash around with loud household appliances.
- Buy yourself a gift, even if it’s just a magazine, chocolate bar, or new notebook. Especially if it’s a new notebook.
- Bake something. Bread if you have time, scones if you don’t.
- Send off a new batch of submissions. No time like the present!
- Listen to Alanis Morrisette. The ultimate rejection music (warning! Strong language).
- Get yourself over to Rejection Collection. You are not alone - read other people’s (equally stinging) rejections, and post your own in total anonymity. Have a laugh, wallow in self pity, then move on.
- Watch this.
- Plan your dream tattoo, even if you know you’ll never get it done.
- Doodle endlessly.
- Check out Gala’s 50 Ways To Rescue The Worst Day Ever!
- Bury your head in pillows and scream! Don’t be so British about it. It works!
- Eat nutella.
- Go outside somewhere, and people-watch. Make up lives for the people you see. Make notes for future poems.
- Stalk people you haven’t seen for ages on Google or Facebook.
- Ask a writer friend over. Ask them for their (honest) opinion on your rejected works. Then edit.
- Look up a big complex word, and write it into a daft acrostic.
- Do an IQ test. Cheat.
- Make up your own rejection recovery plan… and let me know what it is!
Tags: advice for young writers, rejection fallout, resources for young writers, young poets
September 9th, 2008 at 9:45 pm
My gut feeling looking at this list is that there’s a danger of blowing rejections out of all proportion. They don’t demand a reaction. They are a part of every writer’s life. It’s just a rejection. They happen. Shrug, update your records and just get on with whatever you were doing. The ‘Send off a new batch of submissions advice’ is the best response though. Never let your submissions dry up.
September 9th, 2008 at 11:38 pm
Hi Jim.
I promise I do see your point. I’ve been seriously submitting for about three years now and rejections are pretty much water off a duck’s back these days (although I’m not saying I rejoice, or anything, when I get ‘em). But I still remember the first few, and they stung a lot! And I was nineteen! I can imagine when you’re fourteen, as some of the readers here are, it must be pretty upsetting. The last thing I want is for young writers to think “right, that’s it, I’m never submitting anything again!” But you’re right — I think eventually you do get to a point where it’s just another rejection, and you deal with it. Once you’re a bit more seasoned!
I wasn’t actually planning to write anything else about rejection either… but I was asked to add to my previous article, and how could I disappoint my reading public?!
Thanks for your continued attention & comments, by the way. I do appreciate it.
September 10th, 2008 at 12:56 pm
It is good advice re the destroying of angry letters back. Can’t say I’ve kept to it though! I’m afraid when an editor writes something completely unacceptable (and this has happened to me twice) I find it almost impossible not to respond. I don’t expect everyone to like every type of poetry but I do expect more than prejudice and nastiness in a response. I wish I could rise above/turn another cheek etc. but it’s not always possible. Sometimes a cheek for a cheek is just more the way it pans out.
September 10th, 2008 at 1:18 pm
Rachel - I’ve done that before. What stopped me was a very unfortunate incident involving an editor (who should have known better) who took exception to my actually-fairly-tame response (seeing this comment, I dug it out of my endless stack of old emails and it was actually verging on polite!), and wrote a VERY poisonous forum-post at Poets on Fire (big forum, lots of bigwigs there), attacking me personally, and taking the piss out of my poetry, basically. Since then I have NEVER crossed an editor, however tempted I’ve been!
September 10th, 2008 at 1:59 pm
Well, that just shows you were right…if the person in question behaved like that…set out to humiliate someone just for standing up for themselves..then chances are that person was out of order with their set of no-doubt delightful rejection comments in the first place. Poetry really does seem to attract the worst kind of wankers (as well as some marvellous individuals too of course!). I’m sorry to use bad language…I don’t swear much now I have a small child…I save it for those who really deserve it.
And yet…as I said at first…your advice to not respond is right 99 times out of 100…or at least for 99 poets out of 100. I reserve my right to get into fights with wankers…it’s a tough job but someone’s got to do it.
I think there’s a comic strip in there somewhere!
September 13th, 2008 at 3:26 pm
I would add to that list listening to ska and dancing like a loon. What ills could that not sure?
(I have yet to be rejected, but that is more to do with lack of submitting rather than being King of Poetry.)
September 28th, 2008 at 9:16 pm
Dealing with rejection fallout….
Rejected? Dejected? Don’t be! The sooner you move on, the better. But that’s hard to do, so read on for a little bit of a helping hand….
September 29th, 2008 at 3:04 pm
[...] your laptop shut or turn off your monitor and remove yourself from the situation. Go away and do some of this stuff, or have a rant about it to someone. Don’t go back to your computer until you’re cool, [...]
October 15th, 2008 at 2:20 pm
[...] the very first contest you enter are pretty slim, and we all know that rejection really kind of sucks. However, don’t let that “thanks for entering, but sorry” letter put you off. If [...]
October 17th, 2008 at 7:42 pm
Hello. Nice! Really caouldn\’t agree more REGARDING \”Dealing with rejection fallout.\”. I really liked it a lot. Try chocolate poetry poems. Thanks.
October 17th, 2008 at 10:20 pm
Mariah - Chocolate poetry! Yum! Cool idea x
December 10th, 2008 at 4:52 pm
Hello. Nice! Really caouldn\’t agree more REGARDING \”Dealing with rejection fallout.\”. I really liked it a lot. Try poems about hot chocolate. Thanks.